Judge to accused: Have you anything to offer before I pass sentence on you?Accused: No, Your Honour. My lawyer took my last dollar.

Guide: I welcome u all to the Niagra falls. These are the world s largest Waterfalls and the sound intensity of the Waterfall is so high, sound of even 20 supersonic planes passing cant be heard! Now may I request the ladies to keep quiet so that we can hear the Niagra falls??

Wife: Why are you home so early? Husband: My boss told me to go to hell.

What is the next thing a Man should do after winning an argument wit his Wife ?...........Apologise

T'CHER:What do we do with crude oil?S'dent:Teach it some manners

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Wife: u know, husband and wife are not allowed 2 be together in heaven!!! Husband: yes, that's y it's called heaven

Q:Why most men prefer to kiss women's lips? Ans:Thats the best & probably the only way to shut a woman's mouth.

Doctor to lady: U look exactly like my 3rd wife. Lady: How many wife do u have? Docto2.

Sir:G.Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree,but also admitted doing it. Now,kid, do you know why his father didn't punish him?"kid:Because George still had the axe in his hand.

Doctor, doctor, will i be able to play the violin after the operation?" "yes of course...." "Great ! i never could before"

Teacher:I wish you would pay a little attention!Student:I'm paying as little as I can sir