The definition of a perfect Wife? - one who helps the husband with the dishes..

Mr A: my wife kisses me every night when I get home. Mr B: mine too, but only 2 c if I have been drinking.

1st thief:Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!2nd thief: But this is the 13th floor.1st thief: Hurry! this is no time for superstitions

What did one magnet say to the other? I find you very attractive.

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. “You’ll get your chance in court,” said the desk sergeant. “No, no, no!”, said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”

TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.WINNIE : Me!

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

School girl : I dont want to take SEX EDUCATION class Teacher : Why not? School girl : Someone told me FINAL EXAM would be oral!

Movie director:in this scene u jump from 10th floor.Actor:what if i die?director:Dats not at all a problem,It"s da last scene

A police recruit was asked during exam, "What would u do if u had to arrest ur own mother?" He said, "Call for backup."

Lady2Doc:let my husband come inside.Doctor:Trust me,I am a Gentleman.Lady:I know,but Nurse is sitting outside &my husband is not A gentleMan

Boy: Mummy, if I failed in this exam I'll commite suicide.Mothe'Shut up! Never say that. If U try to do so I'll just kill you..