What did one magnet say to the other? I find you very attractive.

Two friends, who hadn't seen each other in several years, met on the street. "Who are you working for now?" asked the first. "Same people," answered the other. "My wife and four children."

What is the height of mixed emotions??? when ur mother in law falls from 7th floor on ur mercedes

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

Why does history keep repeating it self? Because we weren't listening the first time !

Teacher : Peter,why are you late for school again? PeteWell, Miss,I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time

Dad:Why aren't you doing well in history?Pappu:Because the Teacher keeps on asking things that happened before my birth

Lady sitting on a park bench.Beggar:Hi darling.!shall v have some fun ?lady angrily:How dare U ?Beggar:Then What r U doin on my bed ?

Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth, but don't worry it will take just five minutes. Patient: And how much will it cost? Dentist: It's Rs 1000. Patient: One thousand for just a few minutes work??? Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like

Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage licence? Wife to Husband: I'm looking for a loophole

Husband 1: Why do u take your wife only to night clubs? Husband 2: Buddy by the time she gets ready no other place is open!

A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home