I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which anser the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.

Bazu-o-mein dum rakhta hun, Dil mein gum rakhta hun, Pata tha SMS ayega tera, Isliye DISPRIN sang rakhta hun

sharab hai to mai-khane banee, husna hai to dewane banee, ap me bhe koi khaas baat hai tabhe to pagalkhane banee

How do you express two words,with exactly the opposite meanings,in a single sentence...?Any guesses?No?Say:"HAPPILY MARRIED"

Hey, I just got your blood test report. U have been tested HIV positive. Report reads person has high percentage of Honey In Veins. No Wonder!

Clouds r white but the sky is blue, monkey like u should b kept in the zoo, dont get angry u’ll find me there too, not in the cage but laughing at u.

Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated? Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash

An optimist is a guy who thinks his wife doesn’t understand him.

1 drunk asked the other:What a beautiful night,look at the moon.Other drunk: U are wrong,thats not the moon,that s the sun.Both started arguing for a while when they saw another drunk walking; they stopped him,Sir,pls help settle our argument?Tell us what is that up in the sky that s shining.Is it the moon or the sun?3rd man looked at the sky and said,Sorry, I dont live around here.

When a Man Opens the Door of His Car for His Wife, You Can Be Sure of 0ne Thing : Either the Car is NEW or the Wife.

Police officeExcuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle. Dog owneAre you crazy? My dog can not even ride a bicycle.

There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels.Her explanation - "If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels."