There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels.Her explanation - "If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels."
While walking down the street, I heard an old man say "I've been in love with the same woman for almost 50 years now." I was touched until I heard him say "I wish she knew."
I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which anser the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
I mixed RUM in water and got drunk. I mixed BRANDY in water and got drunk. I mixed WHISKY in water and got drunk again. Now I have decided never to drink water again !!!
