Ali Zafar, Parikshit Sahni, Kanwaljeet, Tara D’Souza Rating: ** For a film which dots every single I and crosses every single T, there couldn’t have been a better title. Me, My Brother, His Bride. Got it? Okay then. Mere Brother Ki Dulhan is a strictly-by-the-template rom com. Not any old rom com, but a Yashraj one. Cue clean-cut hero. Smashing heroine. Good-looking second lead who nearly steals the show. Supportive parents. Non-stop self-referential pats-on-backs. Obligatory song which celebrates past hit songs. Glossy exteriors. Shiny interiors. So strong is the steel frame that we almost miss the fact that Imran and Katrina are a fresh Bollywood pair: the new boy prize is taken away by Ali Zafar, who is the best thing about My Brother Ki Dulhan.

Kush Agnihori (Khan) is given the job of finding his London-based Bhaisahab Luv, who has broken up with his girlfriend (D’Souza), a suitable dulhan. So, of course, he has to choose the most insane girl on the planet, who goes by the name of Dimple Dixit (Kaif). Having acted as the obedient chota bhai through the mostly-enjoyable breezy first half, Kush realises that his to-be bhabhi is the one. I’m giving nothing away when I say this because you know, and I know, that he will be hit on his thick head with this fact just before the interval.

The second half is a plodding, utterly predictable we-know-where-we-have-to-get-to but don’t-quite-know-how-to-get-there affair. Finally, I’ve come to a film in which I found Kaif tough going despite her throwaway sparkly moments. She is clearly the biggest star in the film, given the kind of space she’s got, and is allowed to execute her brief very seriously indeed: from a “mad”, all-over-the-place rocker chick to a “good Indian girl” who agrees to an arranged marriage, she keeps ratcheting it up to the point that she gets exhausting. Khan is in his usual pleasant self-deprecatory guy mode, and the two are believable as back-slapping pals. But sweethearts? Sorry, scratch that. This is a Yashraj rom com where funny-smart lines are a substitute for good old passion. Don’t go looking for any. Don’t go looking for any subtle notes, either. There aren’t any.