Bang Bang in a line is Krrish sans the mask. Hrithik Roshan plays Rajveer, a trigger-happy thief who is on the run with the most precious diamond; Kohinoor. Unlike Krrish he doesn’t boast of a mask and a robe made of those black garbage bags but does all that a superdah is supposed to do - dodge bullets, defy gravity and mouth holier-than-thou dialogues like, ‘mere karan kisi begunah ki maut nahi hoti’. And this is when he has caused a dozen office going cars meet with fatal accidents as he dodges the police on the busy roads of Shimla. Mind you, they were not innocent people. Their biggest crime was that they came in Rajveer’s way. After all “Rajveer ke karan kisi begunah ki maut nahi hoti.” BOOM. And then he meets a bank receptionist, Harleen (Katrina Kaif) who is more irritating than all the contestants of all the seasons of Bigg Boss put together. She has no more gumption than a grasshopper and nervously lands herself on a dating website. She meets Rajveer on a blind date to eventually get a Carpe Diem lecture from him- “seize the moment, live the day…blah blah blah blah…” Arey but that’s the same lecture she gave him in Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. Copy with subtlety and different actors, baba. So together they go to foreign countries minus passports or visas. Because in Hindi films we don’t need documents to travel. We just need dresses. That magically appear from nowhere. There are no suitcases but with invisible Manish Malhotras (Anaita Shroff Adajania in this case.)

 

 

So Rajveer and Harleen elude the police and land on an island. Why? Because Hrithik-Katrina have the hottest bodies in business and it’s a crime to hide them under unnecessary layers of Trench coats in Shimla. But before you can drool over their bare bodies, the location shifts to Prague. Oh ho, why Prague now? Because Imtiaz Ali had some unused footage from Rockstar that he had pitched to Sidharth Anand at a very cheap price. Expectedly the thief and the bank receptionist turn into Vogue models. They walk the cobbled streets, wear colourful clothes and pose prettily against a romantic number before they finally reach the climax. Undoubtedly, the high-octane stunt scenes are par excellence but they are as pointless as Rajveer’s very badly photo-shopped family picture or the shameless Mountain Dew product placement. Equally inane are Rajveer’s kissing and self-confidence tutorials to Harleen that are given either when the foreign police lurk around or on a high speeding bike! And if that wasn’t enough there is a daadi (shamelessly borrowed from Vicky Donor) who continues her broad-minded act.

 

Her idea of being modern is to barge into the bathroom and watch her 20-something naked granddaughter take a shower.  Err the last I checked it wasn’t called modern, it was spelled as – c-r-e-e-p-y! Hrithik Roshan as Abbas Tyrewala (the dialogue writer of the film described in his Facebook post) can really seize a frame by the collar and quietly say, "I'm a God. Watch me, mortal.” True THAT, every word! Katrina Kaif is either taking a shower or being drugged in the film. In between she is still speaking Hindi like it wasn’t a language but some sounds. But what can poor Harleen do? She was born in Canada you see. Again? Yes YET AGAIN! The question here is not when Katrina Kaif will ever learn Hindi. The question is who between Sonia Gandhi and Katrina Kaif, will nail the language first? But it’s ok. The locations are exotic, the action is impeccable, the music is foot-tapping. And then there is a shirtless hero and a heroine in hotpants as bonus. Though it hurts to see such a colossal waste of both talent and money. It’s appalling to see how names like Abbas-jaadu-ki-jhappi-Tyrewala (dialogues), Sujoy-Kahaani-Ghosh(screenplay) and Sidharth-Hum-Tum-Anand(director) can go so wrong. Wish they had used more logic than bullets to create the real ‘bang bang’.